Michigan Football: DNA Test Confirms Jabrill Peppers is Demigod

A DNA test has confirmed our suspicions: Michigan football do-it-all man Jabrill Peppers is in fact a demigod.

You don’t have to wonder any longer. DNA test results confirm that Michigan football star linebacker Jabrill Peppers is a demigod.

The DNA test was conducted by researchers at the University of Michigan.

“Needless to say, the test results were incredibly stunning,” said June Hansworth, lead researcher for the project which has been searching for demigods since 2008. “We’ve been searching for so long, and to think the answer was right under our noses.”

Peppers sparked suspicion of demigod status when researchers noticed his superhuman athletic abilities on the football field.

“We got together and basically decided that if he (Peppers) wasn’t a demigod, we may never find one,” said Austin Branch, a student research assistant.

Branch continued: “I’ve never even watched a full period [sic] of football, but seeing Jabrill dashing up and down the field like that really got me hopeful that we had finally found what we’ve been looking for.”

For Peppers, being a confirmed demigod only validates something he felt like he already knew.

“I haven’t slept since the seventh grade,” said Peppers. “I always thought I was a freak or something, but now I know—now I know I’m just on that next level.”

Peppers last season did it all for his Wolverines, tallying 45 tackles (5.5 for loss) and 10 pass breakups on defense, as well as getting 18 carries for 72 yards and eight receptions for 79 yards.

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Some teammates of Peppers say they’re still adjusting to knowing that they’re playing alongside a demigod.

“I’ll admit it,” said running back De’Veon Smith. “It’s a little weird. We all knew the dude was gifted, but this goes way beyond what we could’ve imagined.”

Still others seem unphazed by the announcement.

“I’m still faster,” said wide receiver Jehu Chesson.

Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh was satisfied with the news, but he was far from surprised.

“The only thing that really shocks me is that it took this long to figure it out,” said head coach Jim Harbaugh. “It was pretty obvious within the first couple days of meeting Jabrill that he’s got something nobody else has.”

What remains to be seen is if the NCAA will declare Peppers as ineligible. There currently are no other known demigods playing college football.

In a time when it’s become normal for barriers to be broken down in sports, Peppers is admittedly excited for the opportunity to stake his name up there with the rest of them.

“To knock down this barrier would be something nobody could ever take away from me,” said Peppers. “They can take trophies and awards, but they can’t take status.”

Peppers has continued working out with his teammates as he normally would and says he doesn’t get as many strange looks as he was expecting.

Next: Top 10 running backs in Michigan history

You can watch the demigod in action for the first time when Michigan faces Hawaii on Sept. 3.

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